A Plea To Humanity: Do Not Back This Fart-Tracking Wearable. I bow to no person in my love of wearable computing devices and their promise for the future. However, I draw the line at devices that measure human functions other than heart or pulse readings. This device, if made, would clip to a back pocket, and send a signal to a smartphone if you fart. The user allegedly then makes a note of the food most recently eaten, in order to make a list of foods to be avoided. First, why do we want to restrict normal human bodily functions in the first place? Second, if you are so self involved that you need to measure farts, this planet is too far gone to save. Third, if you need a device to tell you when you have farted, you need more help than I can give you. OMG.