TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
An American Christmas in Florida
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
All the creatures were stirring, even the mouse.
The socks were strewn with abandon, no care,
No one was coming, and no one was there.
The children were yelling and jumping on their beds,
Their only visions were the video games in their heads.
And Mom in her house dress and I in Christmas wrap,
Had kid scrambled brains with no chance of a nap.
When out in the yard we heard someone patter
We thought it was burglars and were afraid to see what was the matter.
When we grabbed our cell phones, we heard a crash
We ran to the window, with glasses of mash.
The moon lit the yard, there wasn’t any snow,
It was 80 degrees and the sun was aglow.
When, what to my old drunken eyes did appear
Was my neighbor, old Johnson, running very near.
He ran and he ran, running very very fast
I knew he was chasing my dogs at last.
More rapid than the dogs his steps they came
And he blew his whistle, and called them by name
Now, dog one and dog two!Now three and four
Get away five, and I hope there’s no more
Get out of my flowers, and over the wall
Now get away, get away, get away all!
As pine needles that before the hurricanes fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, won’t move if you try
As I looked out the window, then turned around
My neighbor was still chasing my brown bassett hound.
He was dressed in battle gear, from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all wrinkled, and his belt wouldn’t stay put.
A beaten up shotgun was slung over his back
And he looked like a soldier, just back from Iraq.
His eyes were black; his frown was not merry
His cheeks were flushed, his nose was redcherry
His mouth was thin, drawn tight like a bow
And his beard was as brown as three day old dough.
The stump of a cigar he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a thin face, and almost no belly
He clearly had spent too much time with the telly.
He was thin and tall, and angry at himself
And I was sad when I saw him, in spite of myself
The glint in his eye, the turn of his head
Soon let me know I had something to dread.
He spoke not a word, but aimed that old rifle
And pulled the trigger, as if just a trifle
The gun didn’t go off, so I ran for my life
He ran out of the yard, and I called for my wife.
He went into his house, to his kids gave a whistle
And like that he was gone, while I picked out a thistle
But I heard him scream ‘ere he vanished from sight
I’ll get them next time, but I won’t do it at night! 