I write about Jacquelyn's death in order to get others to think about death in a rational, productive way. It also helps to expiate my demons, which, as any grieving person knows, come in waves. As a couple of years have passed since her illness began, each anniversary or holiday sometimes brings both good and bad memories. I felt conflicted when I wrote this poem, and the conflicting thoughts continue. Get busy living or get busy dying. Sometimes we do both in sequence, don't we? I republish this poem today; not for those of you who have read it, and considered death and its inevitability; but, for those of you who haven't spent time considering that you will die. Don't just say the words. Live today. Die another day.
OBITUARY
I wrote your obituary today.
I told the truth
But not the whole truth.
I wrote the truth that we all tell each other
and others
and post on Facebook walls
and in Newspapers
I didn’t write the truth we keep in our hearts.
I didn’t write about the battles we fought together
and alone.
I didn’t write about the secrets we kept from others
and from ourselves.
I didn’t write about the truths we humans
don’t want others to know.
I wrote about your accomplishments
I wrote about the love others had for you
I wrote about the public face
we all show the world.
But, I didn’t write about your incandescent eyes
I didn’t write about your caring soul
I didn’t write about the wry tilt of your head
When I was being ridiculous.
I didn’t write about the words we spoke
in the night.
I didn’t write the truths we admitted to each other
in the early morning light.
I didn’t write about our sins, our faults, or our failings.
I didn’t write about the daily struggles we faced
in a world consumed by desire and evil.
I wanted to write about the heartache of a string of days without you.
I wanted to express the pain of loss
I wanted to tell the world that you were the best person I ever knew.
I only told them what they wanted to hear.
