Grieving Isn't Always About Getting On With Life.

I write about Jacquelyn's death in order to get others to think about death in a rational, productive way. It also helps to expiate my demons, which, as any grieving person knows, come in waves. As almost four years have passed since her illness began, each anniversary or holiday sometimes brings both good and bad memories. I am happy in a new love relationship; but, the memories never go away, do they? Both Diane and I know what it is to lose a spouse. I feel closer to her because I know she has memories also. I felt conflicted when I wrote this poem, and the conflicting thoughts continue. Get busy living or get busy dying. Sometimes we do both in sequence, don't we? I republish this poem today; not for those of you who have read it, and considered death and its inevitability; but, for those of you who haven't spent time considering that you will die. Don't just say the words. Live today. Die another day.

OBITUARY

I wrote your obituary today.

I told the truth

But not the whole truth.

I wrote the truth that we all tell each other

and others

and post on Facebook walls

and in Newspapers

I didn’t write the truth we keep in our hearts.

I didn’t write about the battles we fought together

and alone.

I didn’t write about the secrets we kept from others

and from ourselves.

I didn’t write about the truths we humans

don’t want others to know.

I wrote about your accomplishments

I wrote about the love others had for you

I wrote about the public face

we all show the world.

But, I didn’t write about your incandescent eyes

I didn’t write about your caring soul

I didn’t write about the wry tilt of your head

When I was being ridiculous.

I didn’t write about the words we spoke

in the night.

I didn’t write the truths we admitted to each other

in the early morning light.

I didn’t write about our sins, our faults, or our failings.

I didn’t write about the daily struggles we faced

in a world consumed by desire and evil.

I wanted to write about the heartache of a string of days without you.

I wanted to express the pain of loss

I wanted to tell the world that you were the best person I ever knew.

I only told them what they wanted to hear.

Comments

[Julian Summerhayes]

Rick

Thank you sharing these beautiful, heartfelt and (also) grieving and grief-stricken words.

Take care my friend.

Julian

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