Futurelawyer

If You Have A Shoplifting Problem, At Least Make It Profitable.

You Gotta Know When To Hold Em...

know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. Be careful. Lucille is literal.

#SundayFun - They Lost Me When I Found Out The Vows Required For Membership.

Something you may not know about the Futurelawyer: I spent some time at a Jesuit monastery in Grand Coteau, Louisiana, during college. I was being recruited to live the life of a Jesuit priest. At least, that was the plan, until I saw the cot, the pitcher of water, and got instructions on the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I was not cut out to be a monk or a priest.

27 Year Old Cat Climbing Ramp To Take A Nap.

When I saw this video, I immediately thought of myself climbing the stairs at home to get to the bedroom and my favorite spot on the bed. I feel her pain.

 

27-year-old cat using a ramp to get to her favorite napping spot..🐈🥺❤️ pic.twitter.com/cXhfvR1ucm

— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) September 19, 2024

Another Gratuitous Hat Picture.

Did I steal this hat from Robert Duvall? "I love the smell of napalm in the morning".

Parrot Interrogation Techniques.

Lock 'Em Up? I Say Kill 'Em All.

Anyone who has lived any amount of time in a Southern State, like Florida, will tell you that mosquitoes are the most annoying creatures on the planet. So, creating a mosquito jail and locking them up seems, to some, like a just result. However, humor aside, other than using a lot of mosquito spray, or never going outdoors again, my go to option is to kill all of them. When I was a teenager, I was an umpire and scorekeeper for semi-pro baseball in the summers, and I remember trucks passing through all the time spewing killer clouds of chemicals. Of course, I have no idea what effect the spray had on my health. But, it killed a lot of these annoying little suckers. Jail? I vote for capital punishment.

 

Justice for mosquito 🦟 pic.twitter.com/sv3GraSLqN

— Purviii✿💌 (@Purveee333) September 17, 2024

Here's An Idea....Can't We All Just Get Along?

Humans have, from the beginning of time, tried to explain what we didn't understand, by ascribing godlike qualities to all sorts of things. Gradually, anything that couldn't be explained was said to require blind faith. Religion seems to me to be the manifestation that we are all ignorant victims of fate. Why do we hate those who don't share our religious beliefs? Are we so insecure in our belief systems that we want to destroy all dissenters? So, I have a message to all you rabbit god believers. The duck god believers have as much a right to their delusions as you do. Let's all indulge each other's delusions, and leave each other alone. This modest proposal seems to me to be the solution to many human problems. Believers, I will begin. You have nothing to fear from me. 

And, For My Next Trick, I Will Update The Tesla Software Using A Starlink Satellite To Send The Signal To Mars.

Elon Musk tells Joe Rogan why he put a Tesla into orbit around Mars. He actually thought the rocket would explode, and didn't want to use a common object like a concrete block, which others had done, so he came up with the idea to put one of his cars in the rocket. When it didn't explode, it became a car ad orbiting Mars. Now, how to update the car's software? Will he now start sending Starlink satellites to the Red Planet? Elon Musk is a treasure.

 

pic.twitter.com/cHqAPtonxk

— Mario Nawfal (@MarioNawfal) September 17, 2024

These Are Not The Eggs You're Looking For.

Are you sure you didn't see two eggs I left in the kitchen? pic.twitter.com/VEp778s8QN

— Doglover (@puppiesDoglover) September 16, 2024