Futurelawyer

Never Put A Parrot Cage Next To An Amazon Echo Device.

Echo devices are powerful ways to use voice to control our environment. One of the most powerful is the ability to create shopping lists, and to order products online that we use every day. "Alexa", "More toilet paper, please". Parrots, being great mimics, tend to copy what we say, and this African Grey should never be allowed in a room with an Echo device.

 

Cyber Monday Is Today - Are The Deals Worth It?

Cyber Monday At Best Buy. Is it just me, or do Black Friday and Cyber Monday lack the excitement they once had? In a world in which we are doing most of our shopping online, and retailers are discounting products year round, it seems anti-climactic to check out electronics deals today. But, then again, you can still find some pretty steep discounts. Just don't buy something just to buy it. Make sure you were going to buy it anyway. 

#ParrotSunday - Never Teach A Cockatoo To Say Fart Around An Amazon Echo.

The combination of Alexa and Cockatoos is a dangerous thing.

 

Black Friday During A Pandemic? No Problem.

Black Friday Tech Deals. The answer to an age old question is revealed today. Why did God invent the Internet? Why, so we wouldn't have to wear a mask shopping for deals on Black Friday, of course. While I am certain that some brave souls will brave the pandemic today to shop for bargains, most of us will be sitting in front of a computer monitor looking at tech bargains. A little online shopping therapy seems to be in order, no?

Be The First Kid On The Block To Have A Galaxy Watch 3 With LTE.

Galaxy Watch 3. I thought I was out; but, they dragged me back in. I thought I was cured of my addiction; but, it has a dark hold on me and I can't let go.  When I saw the ad this morning, and realized I could have this black beauty on my arm as early as tomorrow, I couldn't resist. All of my rational impulses left the building. So, dear reader, I will be sporting the latest, greatest SmartWatch in the world tomorrow afternoon. It slices, it dices, it leaps tall buildings in a single bound. It is the best thing since sliced bread. It is 15% slimmer and lighter than its predecessor. It has its own phone number, which frees me from the tyranny of having my Smartphone on my person at all times. It is water resistant to 160 feet. It measures swimming distances, as well as walking. It is beautiful in a way that the Apple Watch will never be. It is 15 times less expensive than a Rolex with a mechanical movement from Switzerland. I feel like Ralphie on Xmas morning:

 

Google Pizza - Life Is Getting More Complicated

Google Pizza. It won't be long now, until you will be able to say: "OK Google", "I want a pizza", and a pizza will magically appear at your front door a few minutes later, without human contact. A drone will likely deliver the pizza and Google's computers will take the order, and other computers will mix, and cook, the food. Of course, nothing in life is that simple anymore, is it? Here is what will really happen when you order a Google Pizza:

CALLER: Is this Gordon’s Pizza ?

GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir ?

CALLER: My usual ? You know me ?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK ! That’s what I want …

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust ?

CALLER: What ? I detest vegetables !

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the heck do you know !

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza ! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only one box of 30 cholesterol tablets at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL !

GOOGLE: I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already ! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.

If You Don't Use Honey, You Are Paying Too Much

Honey. I recently added a Honey extension to my Google Chrome web browser, and didn't think much of it. It is a site that collects promo codes, and suggests them when a user is shopping online. I do a lot of shopping online, but I didn't really realize how much money I was throwing away before Honey. This morning, the fact was driven home with a sledgehammer, when I purchased a couple of pairs of jeans from the Levi Strauss website. The jeans retail for $79.99 in the store, but were on sale for $59.99 on the Levi's site. Great, I thought, as I ordered two pair. The total was in the neighborhood of $128, with tax. Then, I remembered Honey, and clicked the extension. The first promo code that popped up was "Friend", so I tried it in the box at the Levi's site. To my amazement, a 30% discount popped up, and my total for both pairs of jeans was $89. Amazing. If you  aren't using Honey for your online shopping, you are throwing money away. 

Amazon Book Recommendation - Buy This Book

Poems For Lovers. It isn't often that I find a book that moves me like this new collection of poetry from Rick Georges, the FutureLawyer. Just kidding. But, the new collection is now available at Amazon, and, given the commercial success of most poetry collections, I fully expect sales in the tens. So, get out your credit card, people, and buy, buy, buy.

OK Google. You Know Everything About Me. Get Over It.

I am beyond wondering about Google targeted ads. Because I live in Tampa Bay, and occasionally post at Bucs games, Google and Gillette think I would be open to purchase a razor with the Bucs logo on it. This is wrong on so many levels. First, Gillette is the company that disrespected its customer base (men) with some lame commercials about our alleged deficiencies. Second, the last thing I want to look at in the morning mirror while I am shaving is the logo of a team that hasn't had a winning season in 20 years, and whose QB just set an NFL record for a combo 30-30 TD Interception ratio. In fact, in the final game, my whole section was taking bets about when the QB would throw the latest game ending interception. How about on the last play of overtime? So, Gillette, Google and Bucs. Save your marketing. I am not a customer. Jeez.

Cyber Monday - Have You No Shame, Golf Warehouse?

Cyber Monday - Extra 20% Off Storewide Sale Free Shipping Over $49. Okay, I get it. Every retailer wants to sell more product. But, my favorite golf vendor, TGW, sent me an email this morning touting its "Cyber Monday" sale. I get that you want to sell me golf shoes, golf shirts, golf clubs and so forth. But, unless there is a computer chip embedded in them that will help me break 100, please stop invading my cyber shopping fantasies. Jeez.