Futurelawyer

Go Where Others Are Likely To Cheer You On.

Life is way too short to spend time with people who are unhappy all the time. You know who I am talking about. They know better than you what life choices you should make. They criticize everything you do. They try to control your life in many ways, and are generally unpleasant to be around. Why do we tolerate this? We are raised to be kind and considerate and tolerant. But, when it comes to spending our time on this earth wisely, it is often necessary to make choices to avoid toxic persons. You really don't have to tolerate it. You really do have the power to make your own choices. Use your feet. In the words of Paul Simon, just make a new plan, Stan. Okay, now get out there and find people who like you.

Reality Check. You Have A Place In The Universe...But, Not For Long.

The next time you get caught up in your own life, and delude yourself into thinking you're "all that", look at this photograph. In fact, I might just have a print made, and put it on the office wall. I sometimes post a poem I wrote that references Ozymandias, whose broken statue was recently rediscovered in the desert sands, and which considers the ultimate fate of every human on our tiny planet. Mindfulness coaches often tell their students to view themselves from the vastness of space, and imagine the relationship between our short, tiny lives and the timeline of the cosmos. Then, think about the possibility that our puny lives can end anytime. Once you understand these facts, you will no longer have a problem with overconfidence.

 

#WhyIAmASolo - I Can Greatly Reduce The Number Of People From Whom I Need Approval.

The larger the organization, the more layers of bureaucracy there are. The lower we are in an organizational hierarchy, the more people whose approval is required for our continued employment. Throughout my career, I have sought to reduce that need, because I struggle with the need to seek the approval of others. The Stoics are right when they say that such approval seeking behavior is contrary to our recognition of the fact that events do not control us, and that we only have the power to control our reactions. Emotions such as anger and grief, while natural, serve no purpose other than to restrict our ability to live a happy, useful life. While a solo lawyer must have some approval from Judges, clients, and others, it can be a strait jacketed existence to succeed while constrained by organizational forces beyond our control. The feeling of freedom we receive when we cast off the shackles of approval seeking behavior is better than money. For whom are you living your life?

Why Are You Over Thinking Life?

Apparently, this has become "how to live Tuesday" here at FutureLawyer. Why are we always talking about purpose, and virtue signaling, and legacy, and other things that make us look noble to the rest of the world? Legacy is a myth. In a millennium, no one on earth will even be a sliver of a thought in anyone's mind, if there is still anyone thinking. The older I get, the more I realize that purpose is just our way of justifying what we do, or don't do. It is enough to live a life that makes you happy, and doesn't harm other lives. Rat is right. In the end, we are all just bugs splattered on the windshield of life. Life your best life. If others want to honor you for that, great. If not, great. But, don't waste your moments worrying about it.

#WhyIAmASolo - I Don't Need To Worry About My Purpose.

Life is what happens while we sit around wondering what our purpose is. Why is it that everything and everyone is so enamored of living a life of purpose? The gurus, and management consultants, and theologians all have their own definition of purpose. The BigLaw partners, and consultants, and co-workers, and others all spend valuable time articulating the need for "purpose". Life is lived, moment to moment, and doesn't need an overarching goal or purpose. Just living each day the best you can, will inevitably result in death. Being your best self is enough purpose for happiness. Let's not overthink our place or importance in the universe.

Lessons Learned In Law School.

One of the best lessons I learned in law school had nothing to do with the practice of law. One of the Professors, as an aside in a Torts class, took a few minutes to tell us that we shouldn't be in a hurry. "Don't overextend yourself to get a new car, or to spend money on a fancy office, or buy the biggest house you can afford", he said. Take your time, and concentrate on being the best lawyer you can be every day. Life's benefits come with hard work, and slow progress, and, like the tortoise in the fable, victory isn't the real point. It really is about the journey, and the useless things we collect along the way aren't, or shouldn't be, the goal. Spend your days living, not aspiring. Goals are great, as long as they don't get in the way of enjoyment of the journey. 

Lessons Learned In The Pandemic.

Remember when we had to hunker down in our homes? Remember the wonderful feeling of isolation from the doofuses and the evil people? We lived our lives for a while in splendid isolation. On Monday mornings, especially, I have often dreamed of living in a cabin in the middle of the wilderness, away from the crap we all have to deal with every day. Just give me food and the Internet, and I will be fine. But, the truth is that we all must resign ourselves to the Marcus Aurelius truth that we will always confront "interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil..." It can be hard to acknowledge this truth when you are being pushed down a hill; but, we have to do it. Nobody said life would be easy.

It's All A Matter Of Perspective.

Premeditatio Malorum. One of the most misunderstood Stoic principles, Memento Mori, or "Remember, you will die", has a corollary principle, "Premeditation Malorum", or "Expect the worst". Both principles involve thinking about the inevitable fact that "Shit happens", and preparing for those events in advance. Rather than being negative, they are positive ways to deal with adversity. Being prepared increases our ability to adjust our power, which is how we react to the bad stuff. This is similar to the way that being indifferent to the loss of persons and things we love can help us to realize that we choose our path, and that events can't control us. Stoics get a bad rap, and are accused of dwelling on bad things, such as death or loss. But, unless we learn strategies to deal with the bad things, we can get lost in the grief and sadness, and lose the one thing we do have, which is the ability to choose joy in the present. So, try expecting bad things to happen, and, often, we will be pleasantly surprised at how seldom they occur, and we will also not overreact to things that are easy to overcome. Now, put a bandaid on that hurt, and get on with it.

#PoetryFriday - Other People.

He bought a house in the right neighborhood.
He married the girl his parents suggested.
He bought an appropriate car,
and sent his kids to the right school.
He went to the Church
that everyone else did.
He got the job that everyone expected.
He worked hard,
in order to impress the bosses.
He hoped that his hard work
would earn more money.
He sought increased responsibility.
He had only two children,
because more children would cause gossip
He kept his political views to himself;
but, he joined the right party,
and said the right things to his neighbors.
He was always worried
that he would appear normal
to his friends and neighbors.
He spent a lot of time
saying and doing things
that others thought virtuous.
He was a pious man,
when others were looking.
He never complained out loud,
and never showed emotion
or desperation.

When he died,
everyone commented
on the exemplary life
he had lived.

Why Do You Care What Others Think Of You?

Every time I pick up Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, I learn something. It may not surprise you to learn that I am considered somewhat eccentric. (He said smiling). I have an aviary in my waiting room, for example. But, the older I get, and the closer I get to the end of my life, the easier it is to realize that I need to live each day making my own decisions. When you buy a designer label to impress someone else, or you spend time wondering what someone else says about you on Facebook or social media, and when you spend one moment worrying about whether something you want to do will go over well with others, you are wasting moments of your life that you will never get back. When you worry about what potential clients will think about your eclectic office environment, and try to have a bland, classic office to impress others, you are wasting time. When you spend more money than you can afford, renting an office is an impressive downtown office tower, with receptionists and paralegals, you are, perhaps, impressing some potential clients, and making more money. But, is that what you really want?  I like having parrots in my waiting room. I like coming to work in an office that used to be a house, and has old paneling, and an occasional fruit rat problem. Get over it.

"Do not waste the remainder of your life in thoughts about others, when you do not require these thoughts. For you lose the opportunity of doing something else when you have such thoughts as these, what is such a person doing, and why, and what is he saying, and what is he thinking of, and what is he contriving, and whatever else of the kind makes us wander away from the observation of our own ruling power".

                                                               Marcus Aurelius