Futurelawyer

Long Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

Almost 20 years ago, SWMBO bought tickets to a Lightning game as a birthday present. I had been a casual hockey fan before that, having grown up around beach sand and chlorinated swimming pools. But, I have always been a sports fan, and Tampa Bay had a hockey team since 1992. Who ever thought Florida could support hockey? Because a large portion of our population came from somewhere cold, and brought their fandom with them, it turned out to be a perfect fit. So, we went, and it took awhile to learn the rules, and figure out what blue lines, and red lines, and icing, and other things meant. The graceful movement of athletes gliding across ice was fascinating, and we became fans. Then, in a magical year, the Lightning won it all, and we experienced the thrill of a championship team. We got to spend 15 minutes alone with the Cup, and this photo is a prized possession. When Steven Stamkos and Victor Hedman hoisted the Cup last night, it brought me back, and gave me chills again. Whatever tragedy or upheaval occurs in the world, there are some things that bring joy. The communal joy of sports and hard work and accomplishment under stress are the human things that should be celebrated.

Everyone Remembers The Day They Stopped Playing Golf

The pain! The frustration! And, then, the relief!

 

Save The Standings - They Won't Last Long

The Washington Football Team (formerly known as the team that shall not be named), are alone in first place in the N.F.C. East, after coming back to defeat the Philadelphia Iggles (also known as the majestic birds that are the symbol of the U.S). Save this photo, because it probably won't last long. Ron Rivera, however, fighting cancer, has given them something to play for, and they might surprise us.

How To Watch Football During A Pandemic.

A year ago I was at a Bucs game and it was 100 degrees in the stands, in direct sun. So, here I am watching it on TV in the air conditioned club area. So, this year I get to save $250, a drive through traffic to the stadium, watch the game on a bigger TV, sitting in a recliner, and sipping Scotch and smoking a cigar. Now, tell me again why we need fans in the stands?

Why The Rays Are On Top Of The Eastern Division.

Logan Morrison Jokes About Playing To No Fans. I knew this was going to happen before the shortened MLB season started. When it was revealed that no fans would be allowed to attend games this season, I smiled inside. The Rays were going to have a huge advantage. Seriously. These guys have been playing to empty seats for years. I can remember games with fewer than 8,000 fans in the stands. The only time they sold out was when the Yankees and Red Sox fans came to the games. So, imagine my shocked face when I see that the Rays are 4 1/2 games ahead of the Yankees with 22 to play. Yawn. Watch out NFL. Here come the Bucs.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Several years ago, I shot this photo from my seats at Raymond James Stadium just before a Bucs game. Now, we are told that only 30% of the seats can be occupied during any game, for maintaining safe distancing. Yawn. The Bucs have been playing in front of half empty stadiums for years. And, half of the fans are usually rooting for the Visitors. Of course, in typical Tampa Bay curse fashion, this is the year the Bucs will likely win more games than they lose. Can you say Tampa Bay jinx? 

Will They Have To Change The Name Of The Street And The Website?

I get emails from the Washington No Names from time to time, and it occurred to me that the team name isn't the only thing that might come under attack from the politically correct arbiters of taste. At the bottom of the email, I noticed the geographic location of the organization:

The Washington Football Team  |  

21300 Redskin Park Drive  |  

Ashburn, VA 20147

Perhaps the Ashburn City Council needs to be alerted to the obvious violation of modern mores that is occurring within its boundaries.

Then, I noticed the website URL:

Washington Football Team <team@httr.redskins.com> 

This is offensive, on two fronts. First, the http has been replaced by HTTR, which every Skins (oops) fan knows means "Hail To The You Know Whos". And the site name is a blatant use of the prohibited name. 

I am shocked, shocked I tell you that the name mafia hasn't jumped on these clear violations of politically correct naming protocols. What is this world coming to?

 

The Football Team Formerly Known As The Redskins Gets New Helmets.

Washington Football Team Reveals New Helmets Without Logos. The saga of the Redskins' name change reminds me of an attorney asking an obviously objectionable question on cross, and the opposing attorney objects; but, after the jury has heard the objectionable question. Then, the Judge instructs the jury to disregard the question and answer. Psychologists tell us that this merely enforces the information in the minds of the jury and ensures they will never forget it. So, I challenge anyone reading this post to look as the new Washington helmet with a number instead of a logo and think of anything other than the Redskins. Go ahead. Give it a whirl. In fact, count how many news stories will be published this year that don't use the Redskin name; but talk about the Washington Football Team. Listen carefully to the game announcers as they attempt to call the game without calling attention to the name change; without, of course, saying the name. In fact, I haven't heard the Redskins name mentioned more often in the last decade. Even when it isn't written in an article, I still hear it in my head. Doesn't everyone? But, hey, we are signalling that we are more virtuous than the people who have callously used the Redskin name for years. Your intention is irrelevant. It is what you signal to the other virtue signallers that matters. Have we gone collectively insane? I have a simple, serious question. How is this making the world a kinder, safer, less dangerous place? What has changed? If you really care about Native American culture, vote with your money and not your mouth. Donate to the Dakota Indians.  Jeez.

A Modest Proposal - The Washington Vampires

Okay, I give up. My Washington (you can't say the name) football team is no longer the 'Skins. But, they can't be called the Washington Football Team forever. A team without a nickname is an affront to history, in case anybody gives a s*** about history anymore. So, I wanted a nickname that would offend no one that anyone cares about; how about a mythical creature that is evil and eats people? Yes, you guessed it, the new NFL franchise should be the Vampires. Has a ring to it, no? And, in a bonus, the team is based in the nation's capital, which has had a surplus of vampires sucking on the blood of Americans for centuries. Mike drop.

This Pitcher Instilled Fear In The Hearts Of Little League Batters

Yes, it is the FutureLawyer, on the mound, getting ready to mow down any batter brave enough to step to the plate. I was feared when I was on the mound, by everyone. The batters feared me because they, and I, never knew where the ball was going. I once walked 7 guys in a row, and my Dad, a former minor league player who coached us, left me in the game. I proceeded to strike out 3 in a row. My team feared me, because I was capable of walking 7 guys in a row. Oh well. The Bigs never wanted me, and that was fine by me. I was so over wondering whether I would ever learn to throw a curve ball. I ended up playing First Base or Right Field. The arm came in handy when I threw players out at the plate after a fly to right. I even once performed an unassisted double play at first.